I spent my whole pregnancy researching the best ways to bring my son into this world with the minimum amount of stress. I spent countless hours in creating the "perfect" birthing plan. Strategically planning how I was going to enforce delayed cord clamping and making sure we had our "golden hour".
Not once did I stop and think about the quick "yes" my husband and I gave during the 8 week pregnancy confirmation appointment. We didn't even give it a thought. I followed what others had done and based our decision on what my husband's penis looks like.
I had joined an uncensored mom group because of my modern way of mothering. I commented my views on circumcision not knowing how it was viewed in the group. I didn't know that there was a growing opposition within the United States and how the majority of the world leaves males intact.
I became more defensive with each bit of information I started receiving. I knew it was my guilt coming to the surface. I didn't want to see that I had made a mistake.
After repeatedly being told to watch a video I did. That was the worst night of my life. In the glow of my smartphone I wept uncontrollably. Hating myself and heartbroken. Angered that no one told me that it was cruel and unnecessary.
The day of my son's circumcision came back to me. I blocked out the look of terror and betrayal in his eyes. I remembered the lie the nurse fed me to make me feel better. The lie: "he didn't even cry". The sudden latching issues (or lack of) that began happening after his circumcision made sense.
I knew I could never correct the wrong I did to my son but I knew I could make up for it somehow. I began educating myself so I could educate others.
At first, I was only comfortable with speaking out against circumcision in private Facebook groups.
Then one day everything changed. I really wanted to start making a difference. I shared my story on my Facebook page. I began planting the seed. From that moment, I haven't looked back and I keep moving forward.
I describe myself as an intactivist. I am gentle to my approach. I've been there. I was ignorant. I was misinformed. I was uneducated. I live in a 80% circumcision rate area so there are rarely questions because no one ever thinks of asking them.
Each baby I save, I hate myself a little less. The regret becomes bearable.
Know better, do better and save others along the way.
If you'd like to share your story, please email it to RegrettingCircumcision@gmail.com